Nonsense Verse: Insomniac Sketches #1

Two days in a row, tired at 1 in the morning, I haven't been able to sleep until 4 or 5 a.m. Both those bleary nights I have set an alarm for 10 a.m. because I've had a telephone date with a friend on the West Coast, for 11 a.m. his time.

Let's recap: I have set my alarm for 10 a.m. to give myself plenty of time to wake up before calling him. At 11 a.m. HIS time. As in 2 p.m. my time. I am a genius.

Yesterday I woke up and found I couldn't make the phone call anyway because of a last-minute conflict in scheduling. Today I woke up and actually started to call the poor dude before realizing it was 11 a.m. my time, 8 a.m. his time. I remember him as being the kind of guy who's probably up at 8 anyway, but there was the potential that I would be his wakeup call, and that being an unspeakably hideous prospect, I promptly slammed shut my cell phone.

And that was just the last two days.

A few days ago, after another late-late night followed by a too-early waking, I was doing my daily breakfast ritual -- OJ, Americano, oatmeal -- which is usually an example of stunningly choreographed efficiency. To wit:

I flip on the espresso machine to allow it to heat up.
I put an espresso pod in its espresso-pod holder and shimmy it into the machine.

While that sits, I pour water into my kettle and set it on the stove to boil.

I take out my glass, my mug, my bowl.

I empty a packet of oatmeal into my bowl.

I open the fridge, take out the OJ, pour it into my glass.

I replace the OJ in the fridge, take out the creamer, pour a glug's worth into the bottom of my mug, replace it in the fridge and close the fridge door.

If the water hasn't boiled by now, I empty whatever dishes are in the dish drier and may even do a few dishes while I wait.

Once the water has boiled, I flip the espresso switch and watch my caffeine gurgle into the little espresso cup below.

As that water gurgles, I pour my hot kettle water over my oatmeal. Then, I grab the finished espresso, pour it into the mug, and top it off with the hot water.

With the same spoon I'm going to use for my coffee and my oatmeal, I stir -- the coffee drink first, so as not to get any floaty oatmeal bits into my drink -- and then I transport my various breakfast receptacles to either the coffee table or my desk, depending on whether I want to check e-mail and read news or watch an episode of Weeds (or Entourage or Sex and the City or whatever) while I eat.

This usually works out great for everyone.

But as I was saying, the other day, after another late night, I woke up to begin this ritual. As you can imagine, I can practically do it in my sleep. In fact, the other day it probably would have gone more smoothly had I done it in my sleep. Because this time, half awake and eyes three-quarters closed, I did my usual flipping on of things and heating up of things and taking out of things. But then I reached for the creamer and poured -- and realized I'd drowned my dry oatmeal in cinnamon-hazelnut International Delight®.

So I had creamier oatmeal that day. With a bit more artificial flavoring.

I suppose things could have been worse. I could have been holding the orange juice.